Normal

So deep is the longing, to know we are with our village, our cave, our tribe. Speak with a friend without ridicule or fear of being ostracized. To know one can laugh at a joke or smile at a friend. To cry because someone died without fear… to mourn for the world, without worry that such connection is normal. If only there could be normal….

If only I could be normal, I could enter a room without fear that people judge for feeling others. If only we could be normal, if only everyone were kind, if only one could walk down the street at night and people would say good evening, and I would say good evening in return… I wish I were normal…..

I wish I were normal…I wish the thoughts in my head would not torture me and interfere with love. I wish a normal relationship with myself, like other people have…. others must go about their daily lives knowing all is good and right with the world, knowing nothing is wrong and all people and the planet are healthy and strong…. I wish I could be normal and know our world is perfect, all people are good and healthy and everything is fine. I wish I were normal….

I wish I were normal, no more torment, no more burdens of past wars forgot, no more messages of how I should be. No more trying to be good, no more striving to get a grip. If I were normal, I could fit in and get along… no more loneliness, no more being left out, no more fears to exchange like unpocketed coins in the clothing dryer of time.

I wish I were normal, and be the best human being I imagine everyone else is. I hope someday I will find them and not be alone any more.

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